Loosed Upon The World
by Ebona Nite
Summary: A 'What If' humorous story for Fred and George fans! The Weasley Twins take their NEWTs. Exams and graduation, and what's up with Snape?
1. Preparations

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

**Loosed Upon the World**

**By Ebona Nite**

**Part One: Preparations**

"_Turning and turning in the widening gyre,_

_The falcon cannot hear the falconer;"_

_William Butler Yeats, The Second Coming

* * *

_

"Severus what on earth are you _doing_?!"

Snape looked up from where he was casting layers of shield spells around his desk. Minerva McGonagall was looking at him in a mixture on confusion and concern. He drew himself up to his full and impressive height and said stiffly, "I am Weasley-proofing my classroom before exams, of course. I do this _every _year."

Minerva frowned. "Whatever for? I know they have OWLs this year, but I rather thought you complained more about poor Neville or Harry than Ron."

"Not Longbottom or _those_ dunderheads!" Severus sneered, "The _Weasley twins_, Fred and George. Their mother is forcing them to take their NEWTs and return for graduation ceremonies, remember, and I wish to be prepared."

"Yes, but they aren't taking their Potions NEWT if I recall. Oh, before I forget, we have a faculty meeting in ten minutes. _Professor_ Umbridge has called one for some reason." The transfiguration mistress frowned a bit, adding sarcasm to the title of professor. As she left, forgetting about the potions master's shield casting in favor of grumbling about the "Hogwarts High Inquisitor" Severus raised one eyebrow. Fred and George Weasley, despite serving more detentions with him than any student to date (though Harry Potter was quickly catching up) were actually among his best students. Not that he would admit it.

The twins had come to him years before, asking for books on potions theory After they had exploded potions in his classroom three lessons in a row, experimenting with ingredients outlined in the book he had recommended (to get them out of his hair, as they wouldn't leave him alone even after being threatened with detention until he named a book for them), Severus had taken it upon himself to give them some tutoring outside of class. The two had had to agree to his conditions, and were even brazen enough to add their own.

_Flashback:_

"_Mr. Weasley and Mr. Weasley, welcome to detention. Sit down and listen up." Severus glared at the two redheads, who were doing their best to look contrite but kept breaking out in grins. "You two know why you are here. You have been experimenting in my potions class, instead of paying attention to the lessons."_

"_Professor Snape, I'm shocked," started Fred, or perhaps George._

"_We weren't experimenting," continued George, or maybe Fred._

"_Yes, it was"_

"_An honest mistake. The lacewings,"_

"_Just slipped out of my hand,"_

"_Silence!" Severus snapped, "The lacewings didn't just slip. There were no lacewings in that wart remover potion and you two know it! There was, however, a chapter of theory on reactions of lacewings with various ingredients, some of which _were_ used in today's potion. If you two are going to insist on experimenting you should at least pay more attention to theory and conduct all experiments with a teacher standing by in case you CAUSE ANOTHER EXPLOSION!"_

_The two glanced at each other, looking positively evil with those Slytherin-like grins. Not for the first time Snape wondered if the two had really been Sorted into the correct House. "Does this mean you'll tutor us then?" Fred – or George – asked innocently._

_Severus shut his eyes for a moment wondering how he had managed to allow himself into this trap. "I suppose I am going to have to, if I want you two to stop endangering your classmates. But only on the conditions that you pay attention in class, do the assignments properly, and not use the knowledge to prank my Slytherins as you have been wont to do!"_

"_How about we agree to the first, and compromise by pranking everyone of all Houses indescriminently –"_

"_- unless of course someone from any House, including Slytherin, really really deserves it –"_

"_And never tell anyone you're helping us?"_

_Severus growled, "I suppose I can allow that. And I am certainly not _helping_ you with anything. I simply do not want you blowing up the classroom and turning it various colors again, especially without my knowledge. My name had better not ever come up. Be here at eight tomorrow night, and be sure to finish that book!"_

_End Flashback_

Severus allowed himself a small, tight smile of pride. The troublesome two had turned out to have a great potential, even if they did waste all of their intelligence on pranks it seemed.

Fred and George Weasley may not have signed up for NEWT potions, but that wasn't going to stop him from testing them. Severus Snape had not put in so much time tutoring them in the subject to let it go completely to waste.

* * *

In another part of Hogwarts castle Fred and George were also preparing for their NEWTs tests, which started that day. They were taking Charms, Transfiguration, DADA, Care of Magical Creatures, and Arithmancy at their mother's insistence. Surprisingly, they'd found that Arithmancy helped a lot in figuring out the correct portions of potions and charms to get the ton tongue toffee to work without choking the victim or timing the transfiguration of the fake wand into a rubber chicken only after the person gives it a wave, and other such things like that. Also, they were taking the Divination NEWT despite never having taken the class or the OWL, simply for the laugh. 

"Oi Fred! Do you think five dungbombs out to do it?"

"Grab an extra portable swamp George, we might run into The Toad Woman!"

"Where are my lucky neon pink and lime green socks?"

"So _that's _what happened to my tie. Darn you Monster Book of Monsters!"

Of course, no one said they couldn't go out with a bang. Beware Hogwarts! The pranksters have returned!


	2. Testing, Testing: One, Two, Bang!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

**Loosed Upon The World**

**By Ebona Nite**

**Part Two: Testing, Testing; One, Two, Bang!**

"_Things fall Apart; the centre cannot hold;"_

_William Butler Yeats, The Second Coming

* * *

_

The test proctor just looked at the room in amazement. The ceiling was shifting colors of all sorts like a chemical spill and the rafters resembled viscous rainbows. The southern wall was growing pink spiky hair in splotches. The eastern wall had what looked like the beginnings of a portable swamp splashed across it, despite said prank item being confiscated before the test had start. Various colors pooled on the floor giving off oddly colored fumes that dyed skin and robes and belching an occasional interesting smell – anything from roses and chocolate to rotten eggs and boiled cabbage. Half the desks were gone, either burned or rotting or eaten away, and several sprouting leaves and taking root to the floor. Only the teacher's desk remained untouched, under more layers of shielding than previously thought necessary, ten vials of five potions sitting waiting to be judged.

The Weasley twins had finished their potions exam.

Elsewhere, other tests were being graded. Though given separate tests with quills charmed against cheating, it seemed the infamous twin bond allowed the two redheads to know exactly what each other was thinking, because all their answers were exactly the same. Or perhaps it was simply because they'd grown up doing everything together including finishing each other's sentences.

CHARMS:

_Explain the mechanics of the Fidelis Charm and give an example._

"The Fidelis Charm allows a noun (that is person, place, or thing, including organization) to be hidden from all people, creatures, and owls, excluding the Secret Keeper. The Secret Keeper must tell a person where to find said noun, and is the only one who can tell the location despite others knowing it after being told. It's supposed to be great protection, unless your ratfink Secret Keeper betrays you to Lord Moldyshorts."

"An example of this would be: Just last year my brother George and I hid all the bathrooms in Hogwarts (excluding dorms' and teacher's bathrooms) under the Fidelis and then told everyone except the Slytherins. It only lasted three hours though before the Headmaster cottoned on and made us take it down."

_Describe the Imperturbable Charm and its uses._

This charm really sucks. It totally screws up eavesdroppers. You can't hear through it! All that information, kept private, and no way for Fred or I to know what's being said! We had to resort to trying to read lips for a few years to try and figure out what our parents weren't telling us. And the lip reading thing doesn't work at all when you're trying to hide around a corner and discover if your crush has a date for the all yet or not. Luckily, my brother and I have come up with the Extendable Ear, perfect for professional eavesdroppers everywhere. It'll go past the privacy barrier and let you listen in on conversations! Comes in pink, green, and a new fleshy color, owl us at Weasley Wizarding Wheezes and order one today!"

DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS:

_Name the characteristics of a werewolf._

"Pleasant chap, makes a great DADA teacher. Polite and upstanding wizard. Knows his pranks, has a great sense of humor. Gets a bit hairy once a month."

_Name five spells which can be used in dueling, explain their use._

"One: Expelliarmus – the disarming spell. The wand and wizard go flying in opposite directions. Provided they don't know muggle fighting or wandless magic you now have the advantage."

"Two: Protego – the shield spell. Low levels spells bounce off, offers you some protection. Not great against Unforgivables, and it only lasts so long. But it'll give you time to toss a dungbomb or a portable swamp at your opponent."

"Three: Reducto – the blasting curse. Break ribs or better yet, aim for his feet. That way he can't move, or if he dodges he gets struck with shrapnel or a dust cloud."

"Four: Engorgio – the engorgement charm. Aim for their feet, hands, or a single limb. Let's see them dodge or throw curses when they're having trouble moving, balancing, or gripping their wand!"

"Five: Rictusempra – the tickling charm. Make them laugh too hard to fight back. Laughter's always the best medicine anyway.

_Give the incantation for the Patronus Charm, describe its characteristics and uses._

"Expecto Patronum"

"Just a pinch of pixie dust and think happy thoughts and you can fly! Okay maybe not the pixie dust, and it doesn't have anything to do with flying. The Patronus takes a happy memory. A weak patronus is a silver mist. A strong one takes the form symbolic of whatever makes you feel the most protected. It drives away dementers, and supposedly only a few strong adult wizards can use it much less a corporeal one. Mine's a coyote. Umbridge couldn't teach a toad. Harry Potter rocks!"

DIVINATION:

Fred's tea leaves: "I see a smiley face with three eyes and the planet Saturn. Erm… I'm going to be abducted by aliens? No wait! I'm going to read "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams!"

George's Crystal Ball: "I see… a toad. Getting stepped on. Repeatedly. I guess this means Umbridge won't be coming back next year?"

Fred Reads the Proctor's Palm: "You have a long lifeline sir, but a lot of wrinkles. Very pink too sir. I see lots of pink in your future. And a break out of warts. Avoid chickens. Thirteen is not your number. Two isn't either."

George Reads Tarot: "You sir, are going to meet a knight in shining armor who will sweep you off your feet. Red is out and pink is in. You'll have a cross-dressing fetish in the near future. Disaster will come to you in the form of… er… socks. Care for a lemon drop? Just a sec while I apply a twinkle charm on my eyes."


	3. Fallout

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

**Loosed Upon The World**

**Part Three: Fallout**

**By Ebona Nite**

"_Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,"_

_William Butler Yeats, The Second Coming

* * *

_

The day after their last NEWT exam, Fred and George Weasley returned to their newly acquired shop in Diagon Ally. Deciding to celebrate before setting to work cleaning up and stocking shelves with their prank items, the twins set off several fireworks and then had a mock duel using prank spells such as color-change charms only.

At the same time, their NEWT Divination proctor was walking past the new shop at 1313 Diagon Ally when a stray filibuster firework shot out the door, triggering several prank items along the way, along with several stray spells, which charmed his robes, hair, and skin bright pink, transfigured his robes into a cocktail dress, made him break out in warts, and drop his wand. He grabbed the wand, tried to cancel the spells, and found himself hlding a rubber chicken instead. Tripping over a charging knight figurine from a nearby child made him stumble into Madam Malkins where her tumbled headlong into a pile of mismatched socks which Madam Malkin had bought and was in the process of boxing up as a birthday present for her old friend Albus Dumbledore.

The poor man eventually found his real wand and apparated to the Ministry where he requested a grade change for the Troublesome Twins' Divination exams.

* * *

The day before graduation ceremonies at Hogwarts, a stuffy looking owl swept through the window of an upstairs flat in Diagon Ally. A redhaired young man took the letters from it and bounced downstairs after his brother. "Oi Fred, our NEWTs results are here!" 

Ripping open the letters, they read:

_Dear Fred/George Weasley,_

_Congratulations on your completion of your NEWT exams. Your scores are as follows:_

_Charms: Outstanding, two NEWTs_

_Transfiguration: Exceeds Expectations, one NEWT_

_Defense Against the Dark Arts: Outstanding, two NEWTs_

_Arithmancy: Exceeds Expectations, one NEWT_

_Care of Magical Creatures: Acceptable, pass_

_Divination: Outstanding, two NEWTs_

_You have received a total of 8 NEWTs._

_Note: Despite lack of skills regarding tea leaf reading, crystal ball reading, and general knowledge of theory, the practical application of palmistry and tarot proved sufficient for the Outstanding grade. We are unsure whether this is a fluke or true Seer talent; however your proctor reported in the very next day to say you should receive full marks for your predictions._

Fred and George looked at each other in amazement. They'd just made stuff up! Trying to imagine what must have happened in order for them to get such a grade, the two broke out in peals of laughter.

* * *

Graduation day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is normally a solemn affair. Normally, however, the two biggest pranksters since the Marauders aren't graduating. This particular ceremony found parents, peers, and even professor turning into various animals sporting strange colors as soon as they say down in their chairs. 

Severus Snape rolled his eyes from his chair in the teacher's section. Fred and George Weasley never did anything solemnly. At least they had the decency to turn him into an anaconda. There were worse things, such as Minerva's pink hairless cat, or Filch's lime green rabbit. Mrs Norris turning rainbow colored and having her hair frizz out as if full of static electricity was rather funny, though he'd never admit that.

"Order, order please," Albus Dumbledore called, once he'd changed back from a lemon-drop-yellow goat, "Settle down please. Ah yes. Congratulations, class of 1996. Professors will be handing out awards for the students who did best in their classes, then we will have speeches by this year's salutatorian and valedictorians. This year's achievement awards go to…."

A Slytherin boy received the award for potions, no surprise there. Ravenclaw students got the ones for Astronomy, Arithmancy, Divination, and Ancient Runes, Hufflepuff students got the Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures awards, and Griffindors got the Muggle Studies and DADA awards. Fred and George surprised everyone, including their family, by receiving the achievement awards for Charms and Transfiguration, respectively. Most thought the two slacked off so much that hey had only barely graduated, especially after leaving school early and only coming back to take their exams.

Later, when the Ravenclaw girl who was salutatorian had finish her (rather stuffy) speech congratulating her peers and going on about all the opportunities they had, Dumbledor once again took the stage. He smiled benignly and his eyes twinkled brightly, "Ah that was a lovely speech. Yes, one can never stop learning. Even I in my old age… but I'm getting away from myself! Now this year, the spot for valedictorian was tied by two hardworking students. I suppose this only goes to prove a little laughter goes a long way! And now may I present to you, this year's top students, Fred and George Weasley!"

The redheaded twins bounced up to the stage while everyone gasped in shock. The Ravenclaws looked particularly faint. Probably because Fred and George never seemed to study and only work hard on playing pranks.

The two grinned.

"Wotcher everyone!"

"We just want to say how much we'll miss Hogwarts,"

"All the little firsties to test our pranks on,"

"All our good memories."

"That time we charmed the sinks to dye everyone blue,"

"Hiding the toilets under the Fidelis,"

"Escaping Filch!"

"Detentions with Snape!"

"Wait Forge, those aren't good memories."

"Oh that's right Gred, I meant blowing up Snape's potions classrooms and turning the dungeons pink and purple for a week!"

"And haggling Umbridge! Yessiree, best prank victim we've had in a long while!"

"Anyway, it is now time for us to move on,"

"Create bigger and better pranks,"

"And sell them to a new generation of pranksters!"

"Stop by Weazley Wizarding Wheezes at 1313 Diagon Ally, where we solemnly swear that we are up to no good, every day from nine to five!" Waving, the two bounced off the stage.

Severus Snape stood, towering to his full height, and shouted, "FRED AND EORGE WEASLEY! GET BACK UP HERE!" The two ran back up, grinning madly like hyenas.

McGonagall looked shocked, "Severus! What –"

He ignored her and swept up to the two. "I don't know what the two of you were thinking," he began, his voice carrying out over the audience. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley looked shocked and angry, and most everyone else confused. Dumbldor just sat and watched, eyes twinkling. "With potential like yours you could have taken the potions achievement award if you'd taken the potions NEWT, even if you are dunderheaded Griffindors. Instead you concentrated on tomfoolery and pranks! In light of the test you did take however –" He took two scrolls from his belt and handed them each one, "here are your certificates. Congratulations, you're certified potions masters now, Merlin help us all!"

As the audience sat shellshocked and Dumbldor twinkled, Severus turned away a tiny smile tugging the corner of his mouth. They'd beaten his record by a year and a half. He refused to show the pride he felt. The twins shouted for joy and jumped off the stage, grinning from ear to ear. They'd proved, once again, that the prankster princes where utterly unpredictable!

Watch out world: The Weasley Twins are loose!

* * *

Finé 


End file.
